The Answer Is No

The past few weeks, months and even 2015 in general have been challenging to say the least for me. I've faced health issues, spent more time than desired seeing various doctors, and dealing with the emotional and financial impacts of such activities.

Through this year I've done my best to trust God and follow my life verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will direct your paths.

But if you've followed my journey for long, you know there are valleys and peaks on my way. I struggle with self-image, I struggle to be a God-pleaser and not a people-pleaser.

People mean well, but I've been reminded again that most people can't even manage their own life that well, so why should I worry about them trying to direct my life?

Can God speak through people? Obviously he does, but every word out of the mouth of man or woman is not from God. That person may just be having a bad day, they may be lashing out at me out of frustration with their own life situations, or any number of things.

What I have come to conclude in my own life is that firstly God loves me, will always love me, and has already promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Secondly, my calling in life is not your calling in life. People, myself included, tend to take their calling and their passions in life and try to place it on everyone they meet.

If we were intended to be this way, then we would all do everything, and do it with excellence. Instead God gave some to be preachers, some to serve in the background, some to teach, some to write, and on and on.

I have a talent and love for music and singing, but it would be ridiculous for me to get frustrated with family members that can't hold a note in the shower, just because that's my gift.

We are here not only for ourselves, but for each other.

With all that being said, I've come to realize that in regard to my health journey I'm just going to have to get used to saying no.

It's great that someone is thin, they easily lose weight, their body performs correctly all the time, but that's not me. Sure I've lose a lot of weight, but lately despite my best efforts, my visits to doctors, my many prayers, I'm in a holding pattern.

People I respect have questioned me, assuming that I must be doing something wrong for me to not be at my ideal weight, but they don't know my day-to-day struggles to eat correctly, how I normally do and that it doesn't seem to matter to my body, it does what it does. It is what it is and the more I degrade myself because of my weight, the worse I will be in my spirit, mind and body. It's time for me to do my best, leave the rest up to God and ignore the critics.

Along those same lines, I've come to realize that I can't be All-American Athlete. I can't run fast, it's not a criticism of myself, it's the truth. But many for whatever reason don't seem to want to accept that answer. The criticism I place on myself already is a heavy burden, and I don't need any help from others putting more on me than I've already put on myself.

So from now on, if the activity is not something I personally enjoy, like long-distance running, I'm just going to have to say no. This will not make me friends, but for my own peace-of-mind, I have to learn to follow God's peace and do the activities I love and bring joy to my life. I can't do it all, just because so many have their own activities that bring them joy.

I don't want to make this post sound like a rant, although it does a bit. But I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else.

If I ever expect to have peace in every area of life, I've got to sometimes take the hard way, push through negativity inflicted by others and myself, and follow God's heart and his ways.

Jesus said:

I came that they may have and enjoy life,

and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].



 

Are You Kidding Me? Don't Badger Me!

In 2009 after seventeen years of service, Bank of America informed me that my services were no longer required.  Such began six years of learning out how faithful God was and is, and how faithless I had been.

Now I'm not about to go into beating myself up, but I hadn't been tithing and I hadn't really been trusting God at all with my finances except when an emergency came up.

But after I lost my second job in three years in 2012 and I was wiped out financially, I had to take a crash course in trusting God.

I cut back on services, and wherever I could cut.  I sold stuff, whatever I could think of (that was legal) I pretty much did to make it in the aftermath of four months of no income from December 2012 to March 2013.

So that all brings me to the point of the title of this latest blog: Are You Kidding Me?

In my financial struggles, on top of just trusting God for expenses to be able to make it and survive, my car was also getting very up in years.  When I traded it in last week, it had over 230,000 miles and was sixteen years old.  Thanks God for providing and VW for making a great car!

The Beetle having so many miles on it, required quite a lot the past few years to keep it on the road and God always provided in one way or another so that it stayed on the road.

While all this was going on though, I had maybe a half dozen people tell me "Why don't you get another car?".  Are you kidding me?

People slow down, and use that brain before you talk, please.

Now I'm not angry here, but I just shake my head at how we as humans don't pay attention to what is going on in each other's lives.  I'm totally guilty as well.

Most people knew I had been laid off from Bank of America, many knew I was let go from my next job (won't even give them any publicity by mentioning their name) so all that should be in the back of their minds when they asked why I wasn't buying a new car.

Really folks?  Have we gotten to the point in our society that we just keep up with the Joneses automatically, and if someone doesn't have a shiny new vehicle, we automatically assume they can run out and buy one at the drop of a hat?

Is it any wonder that before the Great Recession that people (myself included) had run up credit cards, bought cars and houses we couldn't afford and generally just lived off debt?

The shock to the system that happened to me caused me to have to leave the cards behind and go back to cash and cash only.

At first of course this was very hard, but over time I started to really appreciate those little splurges, trips, or whatever when I could afford them and had the cash for them.

When I had credit cards, it was so easy to justify in my mind that a trip to Cedar Point was OK, and oh I'll buckle down and pay off the credit I took out for it later.  Never happened.

I've come a long way, and still growing of course but I've learned there are a lot of things I can live without when the mortgage is paid that month, the car is paid for, and I have food on the table.

I'm not saying that I think credit is evil in and of itself, but there is no way I will ever again let myself get so underwater with credit.

It's funny to me that all the banks now deny me even a simple $500 credit card, but one of the local stores gave me $300 right off the bat, and has already increased my line of credit because I've been paying it each month, or paying it off depending on the month.  I can't believe that anyone would give me credit if my credit was THAT bad, oh well, their loss.

Sadly the banking world isn't what it once was.  When I started at NCNB all those years ago, if you were a good worker, didn't cause problems, etc. you could expect to work there until retirement.

But now it's all about the money, the money, and nothing but the money.  Like most of Corporate America, the shock of the Great Recession caused big business to cut, and cut deep.  And where they didn't cut, you can certainly expect to be an employee who is worked into an early grave.

There are exceptions of course, but from all my friends that are still in banking, that's about all I hear from them: they are working and working a lot!  Nothing wrong with working hard, it's what our forebears did to build America, but you also need balance otherwise you cause all kinds of health problems not to mention a few other problems.

Where does this lead me to?  It's hard to bring all I've learned the last six years into a one liner, but here goes: live within your means, use credit like it's your worst enemy and only when truly necessary. Don't believe any bank that tells you they are your friend, because they can turn on you on a dime, literally, and enjoy all the blessings you already have in your life.  Two-thirds of the world doesn't have what you have, and never will.  Be thankful.

Until next time, please sit on your sandals!