The Answer Is No

The past few weeks, months and even 2015 in general have been challenging to say the least for me. I've faced health issues, spent more time than desired seeing various doctors, and dealing with the emotional and financial impacts of such activities.

Through this year I've done my best to trust God and follow my life verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will direct your paths.

But if you've followed my journey for long, you know there are valleys and peaks on my way. I struggle with self-image, I struggle to be a God-pleaser and not a people-pleaser.

People mean well, but I've been reminded again that most people can't even manage their own life that well, so why should I worry about them trying to direct my life?

Can God speak through people? Obviously he does, but every word out of the mouth of man or woman is not from God. That person may just be having a bad day, they may be lashing out at me out of frustration with their own life situations, or any number of things.

What I have come to conclude in my own life is that firstly God loves me, will always love me, and has already promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Secondly, my calling in life is not your calling in life. People, myself included, tend to take their calling and their passions in life and try to place it on everyone they meet.

If we were intended to be this way, then we would all do everything, and do it with excellence. Instead God gave some to be preachers, some to serve in the background, some to teach, some to write, and on and on.

I have a talent and love for music and singing, but it would be ridiculous for me to get frustrated with family members that can't hold a note in the shower, just because that's my gift.

We are here not only for ourselves, but for each other.

With all that being said, I've come to realize that in regard to my health journey I'm just going to have to get used to saying no.

It's great that someone is thin, they easily lose weight, their body performs correctly all the time, but that's not me. Sure I've lose a lot of weight, but lately despite my best efforts, my visits to doctors, my many prayers, I'm in a holding pattern.

People I respect have questioned me, assuming that I must be doing something wrong for me to not be at my ideal weight, but they don't know my day-to-day struggles to eat correctly, how I normally do and that it doesn't seem to matter to my body, it does what it does. It is what it is and the more I degrade myself because of my weight, the worse I will be in my spirit, mind and body. It's time for me to do my best, leave the rest up to God and ignore the critics.

Along those same lines, I've come to realize that I can't be All-American Athlete. I can't run fast, it's not a criticism of myself, it's the truth. But many for whatever reason don't seem to want to accept that answer. The criticism I place on myself already is a heavy burden, and I don't need any help from others putting more on me than I've already put on myself.

So from now on, if the activity is not something I personally enjoy, like long-distance running, I'm just going to have to say no. This will not make me friends, but for my own peace-of-mind, I have to learn to follow God's peace and do the activities I love and bring joy to my life. I can't do it all, just because so many have their own activities that bring them joy.

I don't want to make this post sound like a rant, although it does a bit. But I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else.

If I ever expect to have peace in every area of life, I've got to sometimes take the hard way, push through negativity inflicted by others and myself, and follow God's heart and his ways.

Jesus said:

I came that they may have and enjoy life,

and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].



 

T-Minus 9 Days!

Hello again Friends, it's about that time... when I try again to conquer El Toro at Six Flags Great Adventure!

If you go back to my first post, you'll read that back in 2010 I was denied riding the #1 ranked wooden coaster in the world, located on the outskirts of Philadelphia and it inspired me to start searching for a way to lose weight.

Along the journey to lose weight, I've discovered F3, GORUCK and all kinds of silly things like 5k's, 10k's and mud runs, all of which I've already completed with a little help from my friends.

I'm somewhere in the neighborhood now of 60lbs. down, with a goal to lose another 30 or so before I learn to settle into being skinny again for the first time in a very, very long time.

Recently I was able to buy my first 36" pants and shorts in probably fifteen years!

That brings me to this post: nine days from now I'll be hopefully riding El Toro for the first time!  I say hopefully, because after you've taken the Walk of Shame too many times, you never assume you are going to fit on a coaster, especially one so restrictive like El Toro.

Going into this weight loss journey, I was prepared I think, for the physical aspects but had no idea the emotional impact such a journey would take on me.

There are days I get depressed because I'm still overweight, still technically considered obese, then there are days I feel like nothing can stop me and the weight doesn't stand a chance.  This is why F3 has become vital for me.

F3 is full of thousands of guys, some serious athletes, at least one actual Olympian is in the F3 south Charlotte brotherhood now, but most are just average guys just trying to get better.

Many though have never been seriously overweight as I have been, and while they empathize with me, they really don't know what it's like to be so overweight you can't see your feet, so overweight that the weight of your arms puts pressure on your body while in bed to the point of stopping normal circulation, so overweight that you have skin issues, with being so heavy and skin rubbing against skin and causing sores and all other painful issues.  But they still encourage, still push me, still drag me along sometimes. OK, maybe not literally the last one, but certainly emotionally.

It amazes me when anyone says they are inspired by me, it's so easy to look at myself and forget how far I've come, to forget how strong I've gotten, and to forget that I'm well over half way home on the weight loss!

When a friend who I consider a real American hero, serving our country overseas while his wife is home taking care of seven children, because he'd "rather fight them over there, than at home." calls me an inspiration, and wants to do GORUCK when he gets home because I've gotten into GORUCK, it simply blows me away and humbles me, and shocks me a bit too.

When I consider that just a year and two months ago, I could barely survive a F3 workout, and now I've lead about twelve or thirteen workouts now, I just smile and shake my head.

Even though the Bible was talking really of spiritual things, I can't help but feel that 1 Corinthians 1:28 somehow applies to me:

God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are...

It's like me leading F3 workouts, what am I doing?  There are guys in much better shape than I,  who can run rings around me, but there I am.  But that's the great thing about the Body of Christ, God gifts us all with different gifts, different skills, we don't all know it all, and we haven't all achieved it all.

So, who knows if I'll fit on El Toro this time around.  I sure hope so.  But if I don't, I'm not giving up on this journey.  I've learned too much, I've been inspired and pulled into things that have reignited a passion for life, country, my fellow man and God (not in that order) and I'm excited about my life now, I'm excited about what the future holds.  Two years ago I would never have said that.  Never.

So if you're out there, and like me you struggle with your weight, an addiction, whatever, don't give up.  God is there reaching out to you, it may be through someone smiling as you walk your dog, it may be in a brother kicking you in the rear to keep running, whatever it is, God works in our lives, if we let Him.

Look for an update soon about the results of my trip, here's hoping and praying that I'm able to ride the bull! Ole!

Until next time...

Here I Go Again

I don't know where I'm going

But, I sure know where I've been

Hanging on the promises

In songs of yesterday

An' I've made up my mind,

I ain't wasting no more time

But, here I go again

Here I go again

Those lyrics from Whitesnake are oddly appropriate for next week as I will be heading down to South Carolina to participate in the Super Bowl of F3, the legendary USMC Leatherneck mud run!  Here I go again on another fitness adventure, but I'm not going on my own as the song says.

Just last Saturday I celebrated my one year anniversary in F3 by going back to where it all started for me - Ascent.  Ascent is a moderate Saturday F3 workout, but moderate doesn't equal easy and I didn't bring an easy workout either but I was so excited to see a new guy join F3 last week and I see today he's posted again today.  That's what it's all about.  You post to get in shape, you don't get in shape then post.

Besides being a bit scared, I'm so excited to finally see the true brotherhood that is F3 in action in the biggest way yet in my life.  I am running with three brothers from my Friday/Saturday workouts in Union County and all of them are strong and will probably be pulling me along at some point, but it's not about me, or them, it's about us.  It's about the team that is F3.  I Am Third is one of the many mantras of F3, but when it happens, what an amazing thing it is.  When a brother kneels down on the ground to allow me to climb on his leg so I can scale a wall, that's I Am Third.  When brothers are cheering me on or ensuring I'm safe, or any number of things, that's I Am Third and it's what our world is dying for.

Our world has sold us many lies, but one of the biggest is that to find true joy in life, you need to focus on yourself. It's a lie.

How did Mother Theresa, Gandhi, St. Francis of Assisi, the Lord Jesus or any number of great people of the past make their mark?  Not through touting themselves, but by serving others.  

I'm not talking about selling it all and moving to India, but sometimes that's what it takes for someone to follow the heart of God.

But what are you doing today that helps someone else?  It doesn't have to be complicated, it might be as simple as leading a workout, smiling at a stranger on the street, NOT cursing at someone who is being obnoxious in the car, or it could be moving to Africa and falling in love with her people and working to make someone else's life better.

We don't do these things to earn God's favor, if you are a child of God you already have that.  We do these things out of gratitude for what God did for us on the Cross so many years ago.

God took on human flesh, lived a perfect life for thirty-three years, then gave it all up to be beaten to a bloody pulp and give up his life on a nasty, cruel cross.  That's how much God loved you and me.  If God loves you that much, can't you take a moment to help someone else along the way?  

Until next time...

The Year Of Wes - In Conclusion

2014 has almost passed us by, and I must come full circle, with thanksgiving and give a final report on the Year Of Wes.

As mentioned in an earlier post, at the start of the this year my friend and former trainer Jason had challenged me to take on 2014 as the Year of Wes.

What started with hope, turned into success, and then some.

As you can clearly see in the graphic, a lot happened for me this year and more is hoped for next year.

Before I jump into talking more about myself than I probably should, I would be remiss to not mention the passing of my mother two weeks before Christmas this year.  Mom had a rough year, and it took a nosedive in the summer when she was first hospitalized.

After a courageous battle and decision to face death head-on, Mom went to be with the Lord two weeks to the day before Christmas. 

As you can imagine this was very hard for me, and many tears were shed even though I believe that she is in a much better place.

I am grateful, among many things, that Mom got to see me drop so much weight this year.  Being a retired nurse, she was always concerned about my weight.

With the love, support and prayers of many, including my F3 brothers I am making it through these days of grief and reflection.

It would be easy to get down during the Christmas season with Mom's passing, and there have been rough days, but there is still Hope for me in this life and the next and that includes taking care of my health.

I won't rattle off the accomplishments of the year, you can read them above.  I will however say that this year has been one of the most transformative ones in my 42 years on this planet.

You're like sure Wes, you dropped 56 lbs., that's transformative.  Well, sure.  But like anything it starts deeper than skin-deep.

I had no idea what I was missing coming into 2014, and it was true male leadership in my life. 

The guys in F3 and SPEARHEAD have challenged me, and encouraged me all along the way to keep pushing and keep changing.

Many mornings at F3, not much is said, but I'm deeply inspired by these guys who are my brothers now, and amazed not only at their physical fitness levels, but the size of the hearts.

Our society has reduced male society to some macho, drinking, sexist community when true male society is so far removed from all that.

True men lead by example, and inspire by doing what many refuse to do.  Namely get up before the crack of dawn to work their bodies to the point of exhaustion.

I've met men more than thirty years my senior who can run laps around me, and can still kick serious butt in life and in a workout.

The gym lie (I don't hate gyms, just not a fan anymore) tells you that you can do it all -- alone.  Well I couldn't.  I had a gym membership and hated it.

I never laughed. I never talked to anyone there.  There was no community there as the sales rep had told me there would be.  Strangely enough that gym has since gone out of business. Coincidence?

But at F3 we're laughing and cutting up, and sweating and sucking wind, and pushing each other and then when it's all said and done we go eat!  Well, at least on Saturdays.

People have told me that F3 sounds too intense.  It sounds too hard.  It's just as hard as you want to make it.  Honestly the hardest thing about F3 is showing up the first time.  Many of the workouts you set your own pace.  If you're a slow runner, run slow.  You'll get faster in time.

Then after a few times, you find you don't hate it quite as bad.  Then suddenly you miss it when you are sick, or out of town or whatever.

Soon you find yourself doing races and doing things like GORUCK that you thought were physically impossible for you to do.  But there you are, doing them.

So don't believe the lies you've been told.  It's too hard, it's too long, you'll get bored, you'll get injured, you won't find any friends, on and on. 

Step out and try F3 or FIA (for ladies) and you may just have your own Year Of (Insert Name Here).

I'm amazed, humbled, shocked, inspired and challenged by all that 2014 has brought me and excited to see even more goals crushed with a little help from my friends next year.

Best wishes for a wonderful new year, and here's to the Year Of Wes 2.0!

2014 - A Different Kind of Year

The other day I was updating accomplishments and achievements on my Facebook page and realized that all of mine for 2014 were health related!  Nothing I've done for the year was really amusement park or roller coaster related this year, it was all about races, weight loss, rucks, etc.  Wow, what a shift for me.

Now first I'll say that, no, I'm not giving up roller coasters, this year was just a down year for me financially and I wasn't able to travel.  2015 though I plan to hit the road for more coasters!

But it's pretty crazy for a guy that couldn't run 1/4 mile the start of 2013, to have completed three 5k's, one 10k and a GORUCK event is pretty wild.

While it would be easy to pat myself on the back and tell myself I did all this, it's simply not true.  Friends, family, F3 brothers, GORUCK brothers and sisters and others have all been part of this journey.

Some didn't even really say anything to me, but their character, toughness, fitness, or whatever inspired me to keep plugging on.

Several went through major physical ailments and still kept their heads up and kept moving forward.

One I know inspired me by his failure.  We are all human, and we need each other to make it through this life. 

If you need help, ask for it.  Pride is useless, humble yourself and ask for help.  Most people are more than happy to help if you simply ask.

Until next time...

The Year Of Wes

In my never ending blathering on about my weight loss and strength- gaining journey I come at you with another post about a few milestones I hit over the weekend.

First up I played a round of disc golf Sunday afternoon and that alone isn't anything to talk about, but the fact that I RAN (cue Flock of Seagulls?)several of of the holes was!

A while back some friends and I had joked about Speed Disc Golf being an option.  Well at that time I could barely even walk the courses without being out of breath and having major back pain.

So yesterday I'm just jogging along and it hit me that I've made some major progress!

I currently do 3 boot camps a week (45 minutes - 1 hour of intense workouts) and then run or bike one day a week.  Still planning to do my first 10k next month.

Then today on a whim I sat down at the store and checked my blood pressure.  It was 123 over 80!  That's as close to normal as its been in YEARS!  My blood pressure has run around 138 over 85 for quite a few years and the doctors always said it should be lower.

Well I guess all this output has finally caught up with the old ticker and my blood pressure is finally down where it should be.

I have a long way to go, in both weight loss and endurance in running, but I've also made huge strides the past few years and I can't imagine ever going back to where I was.  Honestly that guy is dead, and I'm not digging him up again!

Jason Rhymer, my fitness mentor and friend pointed at me during one of his boot camps and said "This is going to be your year!" and I took him at his word.  I keep reminding myself of his words and slowly but surely I keep seeing new sign posts that the old Wes is dead and gone, and the new Wes is here to stay.

Well that's all for now, until next time...

New Year, Old Wes?

Nearly a month has gone by in 2014 and so far so good.

In December I started the 5:2 Diet and so far I've lost about 15 lbs and down about 2 jean sizes! 

Now I've been here before with other diets, including Body By Vi, which just didn't seem to work well for me in the long term.  I was told by one person that folks with the A blood type don't do well on Body By Vi, not sure if that's true but it didn't work for me long term.

That being said, I'm committed to this thing and praying for God's guidance.  After all He was the one that created the human body anyway, so if anyone knows how it works it's Him!

This coming year I've got several goals in mind in regard to my body.

1. Lose 25 lbs and if I meet that goal fairly soon, then go for another 25!
2. Lose enough weight that I never, ever have to do the walk of shame on any coaster, and I especially want to lose enough weight to be able to ride El Toro, which I was denied in 2010 because I couldn't get the restraint down far enough.  This goal may not happen this year, but I'm working towards it.
3. Run a 10k!  Yes that's right, yours truly has set a goal to run his first 10k.  I ran my first 5k last year, and despite some challenges during the run, I finished... and I wasn't even the last one to finish!  For my first 10k my goal is to finish strong, and to finish.
4. If all goes well, I hope to do my first M.S. cycling event in about 10 years.  Back when I was thin, several years I did the Breakaway To The Beach event that is 150 miles over 2 days on a bicycle. And yes I finished it at least twice!  I even rode a century once (100 miles in ONE day) and that was probably the toughest thing I've ever done on a bike.   I may do a one day event, around 60 miles or so to start back and then in 2015 go for the 150 miler again.
5. Get healthier, be filled with joy, be content whatever my scale says and just take better care of myself.

Our society seems to be running at breakneck speed and has no time to slow down and take care of ourselves.  2014 I want to push myself physically, but not from lack of sleep, lack of exercise and lack of good nutrition.

I'm stronger than I've let myself believe the past 10 years or so, and it's time for the real Wes to come to the surface and God to get the glory.  Cause it's really His grace that has held me, and kept me pushing forward, even when I wanted to give up.

Philippians 4: 12-13

12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Most of the time we just quote verse 13 and it sounds great, but we skip what Paul was saying in verse 12.  He was talking about being content, not just overcoming things in life.

It's always a struggle for me to stay content, I see the good things others have and want them myself.  But most of the time I'm not really willing to do what they did to get those things.  Am I willing to work 60 hours a week to have that BMW?  Not really.  But I am willing to put in the work to make myself stronger and healthier both physically and spiritually. 

2014 is a clean slate and we've got 11 more turns of the calendar to make something of it.  Join me on this journey! Together we will be new creations and maybe we won't even recognize ourselves by the end of the year.

Until next time... please sit on your sandals! 

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