For Shame

I saw a post this week on Facebook saying that we should fat shame ourselves.  Frankly I was pissed at the time but said nothing.



Shame of any sort is wrong, it just is.


I've lived under self-induced shame because of my weight for far too long and with God's help, I'm done with it.


If you are a thin stud and have never been fat, then you have no idea how it feels to always feel bad about the way you look, to always struggle to lose weight and to always feel like you're less a person when the opposite sex is in the equation.


It's so easy for health nuts to tell overweight people that it's easy to lose weight, but they frankly don't have a clue.


I'm sitting here drinking bottled water, just ate some oat meal, had a healthy breakfast and what? You still think that I'm not doing enough to lose weight?


How about I posted at F3 this morning, worked out (in pain) for forty-five minutes and will lead a workout tomorrow morning, even if I'm still in pain.  So what, forty-five minutes isn't enough?


I say this to share that you should never shame anyone, not even yourself!


Shame creates hatred of yourself. I've hated myself because of my weight for many, many years and I've got a long way to go to stop hating myself but with God I know all things are possible.


Don't ever walk up to an overweight person and tell them they need to lose weight.  Don't post on social media that they should be fat shamed.  Please just stop for a minute and ask yourself, would you like to be talked to that way?  I really doubt it.  And people acting like they are performing an intervention are a joke.  We all have things we are good at and some of us just have our struggles very easily seen, while others can more easily hide theirs.


If you haven't taken the time to sit down and talk with me about my weight, my struggles, my strengths, and what I'm doing on a day-to-day basis, then frankly you have no right to say a word to me about my weight.  Not a word.


Social media seems to have created a bunch of armchair quarterbacks where we think we have a right to our opinion and to spout it out at whoever, whenever without regard to anyone or how it may impact them.


As was beautifully said in Don Henley's new song Words Can Break Your Heart:

Sticks and stones may break your bones
But words can break your heart

Next time you want to go shaming someone, why not stop and think about what shame really means and how you should reconsider before putting someone down.  Also consider that you probably have no idea how much that person struggles, and struggles and struggles. 

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

The Answer Is No

The past few weeks, months and even 2015 in general have been challenging to say the least for me. I've faced health issues, spent more time than desired seeing various doctors, and dealing with the emotional and financial impacts of such activities.

Through this year I've done my best to trust God and follow my life verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will direct your paths.

But if you've followed my journey for long, you know there are valleys and peaks on my way. I struggle with self-image, I struggle to be a God-pleaser and not a people-pleaser.

People mean well, but I've been reminded again that most people can't even manage their own life that well, so why should I worry about them trying to direct my life?

Can God speak through people? Obviously he does, but every word out of the mouth of man or woman is not from God. That person may just be having a bad day, they may be lashing out at me out of frustration with their own life situations, or any number of things.

What I have come to conclude in my own life is that firstly God loves me, will always love me, and has already promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Secondly, my calling in life is not your calling in life. People, myself included, tend to take their calling and their passions in life and try to place it on everyone they meet.

If we were intended to be this way, then we would all do everything, and do it with excellence. Instead God gave some to be preachers, some to serve in the background, some to teach, some to write, and on and on.

I have a talent and love for music and singing, but it would be ridiculous for me to get frustrated with family members that can't hold a note in the shower, just because that's my gift.

We are here not only for ourselves, but for each other.

With all that being said, I've come to realize that in regard to my health journey I'm just going to have to get used to saying no.

It's great that someone is thin, they easily lose weight, their body performs correctly all the time, but that's not me. Sure I've lose a lot of weight, but lately despite my best efforts, my visits to doctors, my many prayers, I'm in a holding pattern.

People I respect have questioned me, assuming that I must be doing something wrong for me to not be at my ideal weight, but they don't know my day-to-day struggles to eat correctly, how I normally do and that it doesn't seem to matter to my body, it does what it does. It is what it is and the more I degrade myself because of my weight, the worse I will be in my spirit, mind and body. It's time for me to do my best, leave the rest up to God and ignore the critics.

Along those same lines, I've come to realize that I can't be All-American Athlete. I can't run fast, it's not a criticism of myself, it's the truth. But many for whatever reason don't seem to want to accept that answer. The criticism I place on myself already is a heavy burden, and I don't need any help from others putting more on me than I've already put on myself.

So from now on, if the activity is not something I personally enjoy, like long-distance running, I'm just going to have to say no. This will not make me friends, but for my own peace-of-mind, I have to learn to follow God's peace and do the activities I love and bring joy to my life. I can't do it all, just because so many have their own activities that bring them joy.

I don't want to make this post sound like a rant, although it does a bit. But I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else.

If I ever expect to have peace in every area of life, I've got to sometimes take the hard way, push through negativity inflicted by others and myself, and follow God's heart and his ways.

Jesus said:

I came that they may have and enjoy life,

and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].



 

Hey Big Guy! - Why Bullying Is Not Cool At Any Age

 

It's been a few weeks since I posted and this time I thought it would be worth talking about something I had to deal with for many years as an obese man - bullying.

 

This picture was of me last Christmas at or near my heaviest weight (yet again).

 

Thankfully I've since gone on to lose 56lbs.

One of the issues besides the health issues I had to deal with the last ten years or so was what I'll call Adult Bullying. 

You see, many men especially find it appropriate to bully other men if those men happen to be overweight.  You get a lot of "Hey big guy!" "How you doing big guy!?" "I see you're still heavy big guy!".  I noticed the past few months though that this has stopped for me.  Nobody has called me that in months.

But when did it become appropriate to walk up to any person, friend or stranger and comment on their weight?  When did it become OK to commentate on someone else's struggle?

It's like walking up to an alcoholic and saying "Hey wine-o!".  Would that be appropriate?  I really don't think so.

But in our society, food and obesity seem to be fair game and open season.  It's not as if men are the only guilty ones.  I hear women's comments about their fellow females: anything from a jealous comment about a woman losing weight, to comments about how fat someone has gotten.

It's not cool, it's not funny and it's not OK.  As Thumper said If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.  Aside from the grammar, Thumper has it right.

Be a little kinder to your fellow man or woman out there.  Think about how you would feel if someone walked up to you and said "Hey big guy/girl!".

Until next time...